


Eric Northman: Sheriff, Vampire, Viking, and Badass Babysitter

by Honeypop



Category: True Blood
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-13
Updated: 2013-04-13
Packaged: 2017-12-08 09:27:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/759799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Honeypop/pseuds/Honeypop
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eric turns up at Sookie's house while she is babysitting Andy's half-fae daughters. He promises not to eat them, but then he has always had a soft spot for the teacup humans.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Eric Northman: Sheriff, Vampire, Viking, and Badass Babysitter

**Author's Note:**

> This was an anonymous prompt from my tumblr blog, so thanks to whoever requested it! I do not own these characters, I only obsess over them and mess with them and whatnot.

“I cannot believe these babies are Andy Bellefleur’s,” Lafayette said. “Look how cute they is.”

They were all laid out on a blanket, on top of the pool table in Merlotte’s.

“They got just about as much hair,” Arlene piped up. “Plus they make the same damn smells. They are one big handful, and they’re keeping Mikey awake all night, and the rest of the house, too!”

“Ah, come on,” Sookie said, grinning at the little bundles. “They’re so adorable. How can you be mad at these girls?”

“Well you only gotta take care of ‘em for a few hours. I’ve got to live under the same roof.”

“They’re getting so big,” Sookie remarked. “I’m sure they’re twice the size since I saw them last.”

“Well, seems like they get fed every five minutes,” Arlene said, as she picked up some empty glasses from a nearby table. “Good luck with trying to keep up, Sookie. It is a full time job.”

Andy returned from the men’s restroom, tugging on the waist of his pants.

“I’m sorry to lay this on you at such short notice, but the sitter’s sick, and there’ll be nobody home. You sure you’re gonna be alright taking care of ‘em, Sookie?”

“I’ll be fine. Which one’s which again?”

“It don’t matter, they don’t recognize their names yet.”

“Yeah, but I just want to get it right anyway.”

Andy grumbled a bit, but stepped forward, and pointed at each baby in turn.

“Adora, Brielle, Claudia, and Delphine.”

“Why not just call them Baby A, B, C and D?” Lafayette asked.

“I didn’t choose the names,” Andy snapped. “They were supposed to all have the same initial, but I told her it’d be too difficult for me to remember ‘em all. Maurella said it was fine, as long as she got to name ‘em.”

They all looked exactly the same to Sookie, right down to the identical pink onesies. She wondered if Andy really knew which was which.

“Delphine,” she said, pointing. “No, wait. That’s Adora, right?”

“Brielle,” Andy corrected. “I gotta go, Sookie.”

“Right. _Brielle_.”

She helped him load the babies into the huge, tandem quad stroller, and slung the big diaper bag over her shoulder.

“Y’all come by and see your Uncle Laffy again soon!” Lafayette said, as he waved them off.

Andy held the door open as Sookie pushed the stroller out of the bar. Since it wasn’t far from home, and it was a nice, pleasant day, she decided to walk back. Andy leaned down to say goodbye to his daughters.

“Now, you girls be good for your Aunt Sookie. Do you hear?” They all just looked at him, and made some generic gurgling noises. “Especially you, Delphine. I can see you back there, pretending like you don’t hear me.”

Sookie laughed.

“We’ll see you at 6.30.”

“Alright. Call me, right away, if you need anything.”

“I will.”

He gave her a stern look, to make sure she knew he meant business.

“Bye girls. I love you.” He gave a wave, before heading to his car. He turned again at the door. “I meant the babies, Sookie. Not you.”

“Yep. I guessed that.”

She watched him drive away, before setting off. The journey took longer than she expected. It was a real workout, pushing four babies and carrying a ton of baby stuff. But she was soon home, dragging the stroller up her porch steps. It wouldn’t fit through the door, so she had to take them out one at a time, laying each of them down on the sofa, before returning for another. When she was done, she folded down the stroller and brought it inside, and closed the door.

“Right,” she said, standing over them, hands on hips. They were all sat up, looking at her. “Hey, wait a minute. Could you girls sit up before? Did you grow again?”

They all looked at her blankly. One of them smiled, and another giggled. The one on the far right burped.

“Well, you’re all clean, and you just got fed. How about some cartoons?”

None of them seemed opposed to the idea, so Sookie switched on the TV. She shuffled the babies up and sat in the middle of them. There were no cartoons, that she could find, so they watched Dr. Phil instead.

Sookie had a great time. The girls really seemed to like her, and they behaved pretty well, too. They all enjoyed being held, and Sookie gave them all a turn, cuddling each of them an equal amount. They didn’t even cry, they just did a little grumbling in unison, when they began to get hungry.

After lunch, they went for a late afternoon stroll, before coming back to the house. Sookie wondered how Andy ever got anywhere, since everyone they passed wanted to stop and coo over the babies for at least ten minutes each.

The phone rang almost as soon as she’d sat down again.

“Sookie, something’s come up at the station,” Andy said. “I’m gonna be a bit later than expected.”

“Oh.”

“Is that alright?”

“Sure.”

“How are they? Are you doing okay?”

“Yep, they’re fine. I was just gonna start preparing my awesome puppet show. How late do you think you’ll be?”

“Shouldn’t be any later than 8. I’ll make it as soon as I can.”

“Okay.”

“Tell my girls I love ‘em.”

“Your daddy loves you!” Sookie said cheerfully, and the girls smiled and did cute baby giggles. One of them burped.

“They love you, too.”

Sookie put the phone down, and went back to constructing her sock puppets. Luckily for her, and Andy, she hadn’t made any plans for the evening.

Another feed and a nap later, and it was dark. There was a knock at the door. Sookie made sure the babies were all safe and comfortable, before quickly going to answer it.

“Good evening.”

“Eric. What’re you doing here?”

“Visiting.”

“Well, I’m kinda busy.”

“With what?” Eric looked over her head, trying to peek inside. “Or who? Are you having a drunken party with Alcide again?”

“No. If you must know, I’m babysitting. Now, please, I’ve got to go watch over them.”

“Can I help?”

Sookie stared at him.

“Are you kidding me?”

“Children love me.”

“Uh-huh.”

“I promise not to do anything I shouldn’t.”

“Like eat them?”

“Yes.”

Sookie crossed her arms.

“I don’t think it would be a good idea. For one thing, Andy Bellefleur would not be happy with me letting a vampire watch over his children. For another, they’re-”

She stopped herself mid-flow.

“They’re what?” Eric asked.

“They’re… dirty. I gotta change ‘em all.”

“I can wait out here while you clean them, and then come in.”

“Eric-”

“I don’t mind.”

Sookie looked up at him. Andy would be back soon, for sure. But she could do with the company of someone who might at least talk back, rather than gurgle and burp.

“Alright, you can come in. But don’t you do anything bad. I don’t want to have to microwave finger you.”

Eric raised an eyebrow at her.

“I will be the perfect guest. I promise.”

She gave him one last look, before stepping aside.

“Keep your fangs in, I don’t want you scaring them. If you start to get hungry, there’s TrueBlood in the fridge, and you’ll be drinking it out on the porch. Remember, since I own my house again, I can rescind your invitation, and I can blast you.”

“Do you not trust me?” Eric said, stepping inside. He almost sounded truly hurt.

“It’s not that. It’s just that they’re-”

She heard his fangs click.

“Fairies,” he finished.

He stood still, staring at them, eyes wide. Sookie grabbed his arm.

“Yes. Half fairies, anyway. Hey!” She punched him in the side, and he looked down at her. “Fangs.”

He retracted them.

“Why are you caring for half-fae babies?”

“Andy Bellefleur had this thing with a fairy called Maurella. She gave birth on the pool table in Merlotte’s, then left him to look after them alone. I can’t understand how she could do that, but there you go.”

Eric looked at the babies again. They smiled at him.

“Fairies can be flighty creatures, I understand.”

“He hasn’t heard from her in ages. She’s appeared a couple of times, then she’s gone again. Andy’s sheriff, it’s been pretty tough for him. His usual babysitter was sick, and he had nobody else to ask. I had an early shift, and Sam said I could leave early.”

Eric stepped closer to them, and Sookie reluctantly let go of his arm. If there were ever a test of his honesty and control, this had to be it. She watched as he knelt down in front of them.

“How old are they?”

“Well, they were born less than three months ago, but they’re growing really fast, much faster than full human babies.”

Eric leaned forward and held out his upturned finger to one of them. She grabbed onto it with her little hand, grasping tightly.

“If someone knocks at the door, it’ll be Andy, and you gotta hide, okay?”

“Hmm?”

“If Andy comes, you’ve got to hide. Promise me, Eric.”

“Yes.”

“I can’t believe I’m letting a vampire help me babysit four little fairies,” Sookie muttered to herself. “I must be crazy.”

“Why don’t you get yourself something to eat? I can watch them.”

Sookie wasn’t too sure, but she did really need to pee, and it was true, she hadn’t had a chance to eat much more than a bag of chips all day.

“Okay, but you-”

“I promise I won’t bite them or anything like that,” Eric interrupted. “They are much too cute.”

Sookie looked at him for a moment, then shook her head. She went to the bathroom, before fixing herself a sandwich. When she came back, she was surprised to see Eric kneeling on the floor, behind the coffee table. He’d taken his jacket and boots off, and he had sock puppets on his hands.

“This is the evil witch, Pam. And this is the great Viking hero, Eric.”

“They were meant to be me and Holly.”

“Shh. You are interrupting, Sookie.”

Sookie came around and sat in front of the sofa. The girls were all absolutely enthralled, hanging on his every word.

“Eric said something derogatory about Pam’s new pumps, and evil Pam cast a spell, turning the great, handsome hero, Eric, into a large frog.”

He reached under the table, removing the puppet, and replaced it with a plushy frog Sookie had seen in the diaper bag.

“ _Noooo!_ Eric cried. _How will I ever run my area looking like this? This is absolutely terrible_.”

Sookie giggled, and one of the babies clapped.

“ _It is your own fault for being rude about my footwear. Enjoy being a frog, you fool!_ ” Eric made a strange cackling noise, and made the Pam puppet trot off underneath the table. “ _Oh no! What will I do now?_ _I will never be taken seriously again in the vampire hierarchy. I’ll have to go live in a pond, or something_. Do you see, how sad he is?”

The babies all looked at the frog. Sookie looked at them, and back at Eric. She smirked and shook her head at the absurdity of the situation. She couldn’t be sure, but it seemed like Eric was really enjoying himself.

“But wait! Who is this?”

Eric reached under the table and pulled out a little fairy ragdoll. It was one that Holly had bought.

“ _Hello, Mr. Frog_ ,” Eric said in a high-pitched voice. “ _I am Sookie Stackhouse. Get out of my way, I have to go work at Merlotte’s_.”

He made the doll walk straight past and hid her under the table again.

“ _Wait!_ But it was too late, she was gone, and Eric had to live out the rest of his days in a stinky swamp. The end.”

“You can’t end it like that,” Sookie said. The girls gurgled in agreement.

“It’s my story, I can end it how I like.”

Sookie got up and sat beside him. She picked up the Sookie doll, and put her back on the table.

“ _I’m back from work. Whew! It was a tough shift_. _Arlene was really lazy again, but I got all the tips._ ”

“ _That probably has something to do with those tight shorts you wear_.”

“ _I don’t think so_.”

“ _Well, that’s fine, anyway. I’ve just been waiting here, eating flies._ ”

“Nice.”

“ _I’m not really a frog, I’m a very tall, brave, some say incredibly sexy and charming vampire. I was turned into a frog by the evil witch, Pam, after I made some throwaway comments about her shoes. It was all a terrible misunderstanding. Do you think you could help?_ ”

“ _Sure. Should I try using my microwave hands?_ ”

“ _No, no I don’t think that will work._ ”

“ _How do you know?_ ”

“ _I’m a frog. Everyone knows the way you break a frog curse._ Right?” He looked at the babies, cocking an eyebrow at them. Of course, they didn’t respond, but they were still completely glued to the show. “ _Rampant sex, it’s the only way._ ”

“Eric!”

“What? They don’t know what that is.”

“It’s supposed to be a kiss.”

Eric sighed.

“Well, I suppose we could give it a try. What do you think, little ones?”

A couple of them did a little excited dance. Sookie smiled at them.

“Alrighty then,” Sookie said. “But I still think I could do it with my microwave fingers.”

“A kiss would be better, don’t you agree?”

Eric positioned his frog on the table and waited. Sookie leaned her fairy doll down, and made a kissing noise.

“ _Oh, look, it didn’t work! I’m still a frog. We will have to go further._ ”

“Will you do it properly?” Sookie chided.

“I _always_ do it properly.”

“Just do the kiss again.”

“Alright. _You have to kiss me like you mean it this time, though, Sookie Stackhouse._ ”

Sookie gave him a look, but made the toys kiss again, and Eric quickly swapped the frog for the sock puppet.

“It worked!” The babies all made excited giggling noises. “ _Thank you, Sookie Stackhouse._ ”

“ _No problem. That’ll be $2000._ ”

“What?”

“ _You think I go around kissing frogs for free?_ ” She turned to the babies. “By the way, don’t go around kissing frogs. And if you think it’s a legit curse, always make sure you get paid.”

“How romantic.”

“Just trying to teach them how to stay out of trouble.”

“You ruined it. We were supposed to run away together, and live happily ever after.”

Sookie snorted.

“Yeah, right.”

Sookie got up from the floor, and went over and picked up one of the girls. She thought it might be Claudia. “Come on, now, you gotta go. Andy’ll be here soon.”

“But we were just beginning to have fun. Look, they do not want me to leave. Do you?”

“It’s way past their bedtime, too. They’re looking sleepy.”

With some reluctance, Eric got up. He leaned over the three remaining babies, who were sitting on the sofa.

“Good night, tiny fae-humans.”

He put his boots and jacket back on, and Sookie walked him to the door.

“Well, thanks for the help, and for not biting them.”

“Any time.”

He gave Claudia’s chubby cheek a quick stroke, and leaned down to kiss Sookie on hers, before flying off, into the night.


End file.
